Shirlenator 9000
by Roxius
Summary: Shirley dies and is rebuilt as a mechanical cyborg with a machine-gun arm just in time to fight an overwhelming horde of zombies. Yes, that is what happens for a majority of this fic. Pure, sweet, unadulterated crack. Please R & R!


Disclaimer: I do not own Code Geass.

* * *

It started off as a rather normal day for Shirley; all of her friends said good morning, about half of the entire football team lost consciousness because they were distracted by her presence during training, and Rolo made his daily assassination attempt, this time with a sniper rifle from the bell tower, which Shirley dodged with relative ease.

'Yup...today is another good day!' Shirley thought happily...and then a giant comet crashed down upon her body.

---

---

---

---

"...Is she gonna make it, professor?" Suzaku asked in a very deep voice to Lloyd Asplund, both of them standing over Shirley's mangled corpse. More than half of her entire body was missing.

Lloyd shook his head. "Of course not! She got hit by a FRICKIN' METEOR, you idiot!!"

"...It was a comet..."

"SAME THING!!!"

Suddenly, Lelouch burst into the room, dressed in kinky pink lingerie and wearing dark make-up. "OH MY GAWD, ZOMBIES ARE COMING OUT OF THE COMET!!!"

Suzaku let out a over-exaggerated gasp. "ZOMBIES, YOU SAY?! QUICK!! A CALL TO THE PRESIDENT!!!"

"NO! ...He doesn't like being bothered so early in the morning..." Lloyd spoke up.

"THEN, HOW SHALL WE DO IT IN BED?!!"

"...What?"

"I MEAN...WHAT SHALL WE DO?!! WE CAN'T FIGHT ZOMBIES!!! WE'RE JUST A BUNCH OF MILD-MANNERED STUDENTS!!!"

"...And I'm a fag!" Lelouch added.

Lloyd glanced over at Shirley's body...and a smirk formed on his lips. "I have an idea..."

"Does it involve necrophilia?"

"...No..."

"...WHY NOT?!!!"

---

---

---

---

Milly let out a shriek as one of the zombies wrapped its rotting green arms around her waist to pull her down.

"NO!!! NO!!! I'M TOO IMPORTANT TO DIE!!!!" Milly screamed, trying to continue running, although the zombie was now nibbling into her leg.

"Actually, you're not important at all..." Rivalz pointed out as he drove by, running over several zombies in the process.

"OH, JUST STICK A FUCKIN' COCK IN YOUR MOUTH, RIVALZ!!! JUST...JUST STICK IT IN THERE AND SUCK IT!!!" Milly snapped.

Suddenly, the zombie dug its fingers into her skin, and Milly screamed again. "I'M...I'M GOING TO BE KILLED!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO..."

At that moment, several bullets flew through the air, and tore through the zombie's brain, destroying it. Milly stood up, and saw a tall orange-haired figure land in front of her. It was Shirley...except now about 70% of her body was replaced with mechanical parts, and her right arm was now a giant machine gun. No one seemed to notice that it was the robotic side of her that was keeping the body running; Shirley was actually dead.

"WOW, SHIRLEY, YOU SAVED ME!!!" Milly exclaimed, and she pulled Shirley into a passionate kiss.

Suddenly, another voice cried out, and Shirley flew off, leaving Milly feeling a deep sense of both longing and loving. "Thank you...my sweet heroine...and I mean, as a drug...you're my anti-drug now...do you get it? Yes, I talk to myself alot...sorry about that..."

The main building of Ashford Academy was becoming entirely overrun with the undead monsters; Shirley remained silent as she tore through the crowd of zombies, blowing thousands of them to shreds as she sped along. Some unfortunate victims laid nearby, the skin and meat torn from their bones.

Shirley leaped high into the air, and spun around at high speeds as she fired her machine gun, sending a downpour of bullets upon the zombies. Blood and rotting flesh flew everywhere, and Shirley herself was covered with the stuff. Her cybernetic eye snapped open, and fired a laser beam that tore through several zombies at once. Still, over a thousand of them remained.

"ALRIGHT, AWESOME JOB, SHIRLENATOR 9000!!" Lloyd's voice exclaimed over the intercom.

"Did you...really have to name her that?" Suzaku's voice asked.

"Well, duh! What else would I call her?"

"...You could just call her 'Shirley'..."

"Psh!! You're so bland, Suzu-chaku!"

"Suzu...chaku...?!"

"I FIND YOUR LACK OF FAITH DISTURBING!!!"

"WHA-?!!"

Shirley dug her hand into her ear and tore out the intercom, crushing it to pieces within her fist. Landing back on the ground, the orange-haired girl's machine gun arm snapped open, and reconfigured itself into a long shimmering katana blade. She was about to dash back into the fray, when a familiar voice began to cackle loudly.

"HA HA HA!! THIS IS OH SO WONDERFUL, SEEING YOU LIKE THIS!!! AN UNDEAD GIRL FIGHTING THE UNDEAD!!! HOW...HOW BOUSHWAAAAAAH...!!"

Shirley spun around to find herself face to face with her greatest, and only, rival: Rolo Lamperouge. Despite a decapitated zombie head chewing on his skull, Rolo was quite fine, and he raised his sniper rifle to aim right at Shirley's temple.

"DIE, SHIRLENATOR 9000!!!" Rolo screamed, and he pulled the trigger-

* * *

Suzaku slammed the sheets of paper onto the desk, and gave Lelouch a nasty glare.

"IT'S NOT EVEN FINISHED YET, BUT...BUT...ARGH, YOU STUPID MOTHERFUCKIN'...GAH!!! I'M JUST SO PISSED AT YOU!!!" Suzaku snapped, and he stormed off in a huff.

Lelouch picked up the papers, and shrugged. "I thought it sounded pretty good to write about when I was snorting cocaine with my fraternity buddies...who I don't even know..."

Suddenly, Rolo popped his head out of a trashcan. "I still think you're cool, big bro!"

"FUCK YOU! YOU THINK THE TELETUBBIES ARE COOL!!" Lelouch snapped, "NOW, IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME...I'M GONNA GO WRITE SOME FUTANARI PORN INVOLVING MY LITTLE SISTER!!!"

A trail of blood rolled out of Rolo's nose...get it? ROLLED? ROLO? OH MY GOD, IT FUCKIN' SUCKS!!

ಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠಠ_ಠ


End file.
